I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
