you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
