so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
