a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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