She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
