At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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