Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you had me at cake vodka
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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