All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
