Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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