so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
