so let's talk penis.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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