he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
