i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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