mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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