you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize