i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
