Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
