I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
