***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
