Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
