R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
