She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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