there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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