Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
