i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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