I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
