I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
