First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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