Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
