Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
