Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
