I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
