i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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