we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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