Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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