this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
