Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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