Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
