oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
