Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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