They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
