i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
