we have officially lost it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
