last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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