If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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