How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
