she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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