Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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