yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
