he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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