Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
