No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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