his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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