i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
