I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
