I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
