would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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