It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
