So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
