She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But theres a keg here and me gusta
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
