so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
