Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
