Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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