so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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