So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
