Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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