when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
