officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
