SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
