Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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