you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
