Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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