so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
